Merry Christmas!!!!!

If Christ is absent from our worship during the holiday, we have lost sight of the true meaning of Christmas. Christmas is a time for peace.

With an internecine warfare being waged by the forces of evil among us and a world recession at our doorsteps, there is a practical dimension to not getting caught up with the externalities of Christmas but instead to meditate inwardly on the Christ who is the reason for the season.

I am truly grateful and thankful for being blessed with good people in my life. I thank God for each day he has allowed me to see. Every year as we approach the "new year" we tend to make resolutions. Whether its to drop a few pounds, quit smoking, join a gym etc.etc..........

I don't make resolutions......why wait for a new year to roll around to make changes in your life. How foolish does that sound?

This year I just ask God to continue to lead me, guide me and direct me in the path in which he wants me to go. I ask that he continues to bless me....so that I can continue to be a blessing to others. I have been blessed this year in many different ways and in return I have used my blessings to be a blessing to others.

Christmas has become way too commercialized and people get too wrapped up in the "getting" and not the giving. On Christmas Day I will be working at The Advent House as a way to give back to those in my local community who are less fortunate than myself. People have asked me "why are you doing that.....you'll spend no time with your family?" To some of the people that I will see tomorrow....in their eyes...I am their only family. Family doesn't mean you have to be related by blood. My family understands what I do....and I why I do it. Give somebody a hug today and tell someone you love them. Always be thankful and grateful for what you do have...and always remember where your help comes from.

Just Do It!

Life is too short to live your life making up excuses for yourself. I've been guilty of it too. Yet I have learned that I have to live my life for me...and that I gotta do what I gotta do...to get to where I want to be. I am not remotely close to where I want to be in life. Yet at the same time I am now mentally prepared, focused and motivated to do what I need to do to go forward. My philosophy is this: why wait for the bus to pick you up when you can get a head start walking. We spend too much time complaining and worrying about what’s gonna happen next. When all you have to do is just make it happen! If you hate your job....stop complaining. Do what you gotta do to change it. If you aren't happen with the people in your life.....remove them from it. If you don’t trust them anyway, they don’t need in it. Life is definitely what you make it. So for the time being I know that I will continue to hit bumps in the road, question if I'm going in the right direction and have moments where yes "I will fail". But I will pick myself up...brush my shoulders off and keep it going. "The sky is the limit and you know that you keep on...just keep on pressin on"!!!!!!!

The way things have to be.

This past weekend involved more downs than ups. I had a very big falling out with my relative and she is completely angered at me for being honest with her. Sometimes the truth hurts and we all need to hear it sometimes. I've come to the conclusion that sometimes you have to separate yourself from those that are closest to you. I am not a negative person and I know that I cannot allow negativity in my life. I'm hoping that time apart will allow her to do some self reflecting. I know that all I can do is hope and pray that she will come to the realization that as humans we do make mistakes and that we need to learn from them. We first need to know and be able to admit when we are wrong. Life is too short to sit around around playing the blame game and pointing fingers. It's hard to tell someone that they are selfish...and even harder for them to hear that and admit it. I have always had a problem with selfish people. People who are selfish are self centered, self absorbed and think of only themselves. They don't think about the people whom they hurt on the way. I know that in one way shape or form we've all had our selfish moments. Maybe you had something that you didn't quite want to share. One who is selfish doesn't think about others. They always find a way to revert things back to them. Always finding a way to make up an excuse for their own selfish tendencies. Sometimes you just have to learn how to bless and release and just let things go. I know that I can care....from afar. I know that I can love....from afar.....and I know that I can be there from afar.

Together We Made It!!!!

Together we made it. We made it even though we had our backs up against the wall. Forever we waited....and they told us we were never going to get it but we took it on the road on the road on the roooooad on the road on the road on the roooooooad!!!!!!


Today we embark on a new day!!!!! We have a new president of our country. Change is on the way....but change doesn't happen over night. Change first starts with you as an individual and as a citizen of this country. Yesterday millions went out to the polls...many standing in long lines for hours on top of hours just to exercise their right to vote. Watching Obama give his speech last night was not only a pivotal moment for me but it was a pivotal moment for our country. As an individual I will rise and stand with my fellow people. This is a historical moment for me and everyone else in our country. I am so emotional right now. I cried tears of happiness and I also cried tears of sadness. Tears of sadness because I wish that my grandparents and other loved ones whom have passed on were here to witness this moment in time. I can tell my children that they too can be the president of the United States of America if they want to…….and the color of your skin is no longer an issue. Today I am overjoyed with excitement but I too am ready for a change and ready to see what Obama can and is willing to do for our country!!!!!!!

I am absolutely tired today. I am beyond burnt out. So I am going to try this blog thing tomorrow or maybe even later this evening. So until then......to be continued

Hmmmmm.......

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll back and realize they were big things"

Something as little as a smile and a hello to a stranger can make a difference in someones life. I always try to smile and say hello to people when I walk past them because you never know how much of a positive impact that may have on someones day. You can know a person and they may seem like the happiest person in the world to you....yet in their world they are ready to give up. It goes back to....never judge a book by it's cover. I have an aquaintance who has made some alterations to her physical appearance and she looks absolutely great after losing over a hundred pounds. Yet when I look at her eyes there's so much sadness behind them. Although she's a beautiful person inside and out she has low self esteem and even though she's worked hard at losing the weight...she is still unhappy. Unhappy because her marriage is over, unhappy because of she still feels as if she'd unpretty on the outside. It saddens me because I just wish that she could see herself the same way that I see her. Many times we become so obsessed with the way society thinks we should look that we too get wrapped up in trying to fit in...even as adults. Everything that glimmers doesn't shine. So I leave you with this: If someone says hello....say hello back. If some smiles at you....smile back. You never know what difference you will have made in someone's life.

Selfishness

What causes one to be selfish? It's called greed. The motto of a selfish person is "what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine". A classic example of a selfish person is road rage. A selfish person wants the whole road to themselves and is not willing to share. They feel that the world owes them something and they also tend to be very arrogant. I get so tired of having to deal with selfish people. Including my own family. My frustration comes from anger and hurt. God knows I love my family but sometimes your family will hurt you worse than a mere stranger. People who are selfish only think about themselves and their own feelings. I am upset today at one of my siblings. For over a month now we have been planning to take my mother to dinner today to celebrate her birthday before she goes out of town tomorrow for three weeks. My brothers were coming up from Ohio and we were going to take mom out to dinner and have some family time. Then in the morning we were all going to take her to the airport together. So then I get a text message from my oldest brother saying that our brother wasn't coming because he didn't feel like traveling. Making a 2.5 hour drive isn't traveling especially when it comes to seeing your mother. The women who gave you the breath of life....the women that if it weren't for her you wouldn't even exist. Myself and that brother are like oil and water. We just don't mix! Granted he's a very over protective brother because I am his only sister....yet we don't get along too often. Simply because he is the most selfish person that I know. Everything is always about him...he has an excuse for everything. I find it so hard to believe that we were raised with the same morals and values because we are completely opposite. I'm the youngest and I feel like the weight of the world is always on my shoulder sometimes and I can only do so much by myself. I always feel like I'm the glue that holds everything and everyone together. At this point I am done! I have let my emotions and frustrations get the best of me today. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bust Your Windows.....LOL

I was in the car this afternoon and that new Jazmin Sullivan song "bust your windows" came on the radio. I had heard it once before but I didn't really listen to the lyrics. So today when it came on the radio I turned up the volume and listened to the lyrics. This is a song that’s full of hurt and pain. The woman in the song is hurt because she saw her man lying next to another woman. So in return she busted the windows out of his car. She wanted him to feel the pain she felt in return. A lot of women tend to react in this same exact way when they find out their man has cheated on them. I've been hurt and cheated on......and at the time many devious thoughts ran across my mind as to how I could make this man hurt the way he hurt me. But I snapped back to reality and realized that "KARMA" is a bitch. What goes around truly does come back around. As I look back on my past relationships in which I've been hurt...I didn't have to do a thing to get revenge. No good comes from negativity. You shouldn't play with people's feelings and never tell someone that you love them if you don't really mean it. Material things can always be replaced so ladies don't go out slashing your man's tires or busting the windows out of his car. It's not worth it!!!! Just know that time heals all wounds and in the end you will become a stronger and better person. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Disturbia

Yesterday I was working at my second job (the day shelter) and I was completely and utterly disturbed. I deal with people from all walks of life. Convicted felons, the homeless, teenage parents, drug addicts and so forth. Me myself not having children of my own yet....I have an undying affection for children. Yesterday while working, I became disturbed with a young lady that I know very well that is a regular at the shelter. Being only 24 she has had 2 children and now pregnant with baby # 3. The first child was removed from her care and adopted out because she was labeled an unfit parent, the second child she let the father have because she knew that she couldn't deal with the baby and she wasn't ready to be a parent. I was upset with her when she said that she was pregnant again. I asked her what she was going to do and why wasn't she on birth control. Her response is what disturbed and frustrated me. #1 She says that she got pregnant because it was something to do 2# She wasn't on birth control because it doesn't work and she didn't feel like being on it. Okay now I'm sure if you are reading this your face is as twisted up as the look I gave her. I told her that she must be joking......and she said no I'm totally serious....and I knew she was. Then she asked me if I wanted to adopt her baby after she has it. OMG are you serious!!!!! Was my response. Did I mention that she was heading outside to smoke a cigarette? Is she crazy or just plain stupid? I become so distraught, disturbed and frustrated with her. #1 Because I absolutely love and adore children and secondly because she is carrying a child that she clearly doesn’t want and was not asked to be born. I am tired of women especially black women who are having babies and rely on someone else to take care of them. I am mainly referring to the repeat offenders. Those who keep having these babies out of spite thinking that they are going to keep a man by getting pregnant. Along with the ones who are too lazy to get up and get a job or go to school……..so they keep having babies because that equals more "assistance" from the state government for them. So I am paying taxes to support their lazy asses!!!! WTF!? I am just beyond pissed. This has become an ongoing cycle and it appears to be a new trend for "some" black women and women period. It really makes the rest of us good, hardworking, independent, strong black women....look bad. It's the children that I feel sorry for. If I could take all of the children and save them I would. A lot of it has to do with a person’s upbringing. If you were raised in a dysfunctional and unstable environment....it increases the chance of you too being the same way. I always try to teach and motivate those same youth by telling them that they don't have to be a victim of their circumstances. That they too can break that cycle and do anything they put their mind to do. Where did we go wrong……and When is it ever going to end?

Me, Myself and I

Mary J couldn't have said it any better. Take me as I am....or have nothing at all. We all come with many different flaws....I know that I have plenty. So many times we try to make changes to our exterior to please us physically but change comes from with in. With me what you see is what you get. In order to get through you have to go through something in life. Otherwise you don't have a testimony. I've been through, I'm going through and yet there is still more to come. I have become stronger and wiser. People always try to break you down at the most weak points in your life. But in the end I still come out on top. Life is what you make it. "Work like you dont need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like you do when nobody's watching".

Reflecting

Today I am reflecting on a lot of things in my life. Do I want too much too soon? I think maybe I have high expectations of others. Atleast those whom are part of my inner circle. Sometimes I feel like I give too much of myself to people and then I feel like I don't give back enough to those in need. Whenever mishaps occur in my life I always do some self refecting..........to see what I could have done to prevent the negative outcome....even if it wasn't my fault. I'm not perfect I'm only human. We were all born to make mistakes. I know there are some changes that I need to make in my life to better me as a person. To be continued............

Love..........

"Never allow someone to be your Priority wile allowing yourself to be their Option"

So many times both men and women use each other just to get what they want or need. What ever happened to caring about peoples feelings? I'm a strong believer in not wasting my time on something that's not meant to be. There have been times in the past where I have allowed someone to be a priority in my life....yet in return I was just an option. Telling someone that you love them is just the words themselves coming out of your mouth. Love is an action word. You must display it, express it, show it and feel it from deep with in. I have been in love before and it was the best feeling in the world. It always is until someone gets hurt. Unfortunately I was the one who got hurt. I allowed the man that I once loved and was in love with....to hurt me. I say that because I was so blinded by love that I couldn't really see what was happening. He was a constant priority in my life.....yet I was constantly on the back burner in his. I constantly went out of my way to do things to show my love and affection for him. He constantly mouthed what he felt yet showed nothing in return. I haven't shut the door on falling in love again because I know it will happen again when the time is right. I'm not going to settle for "Mr. Right Now". I know that love will happen again when the time is right and when "Mr. Right" comes along......if he hasn't already :) Patience is truly a virtue.....and while I continue to be patient....I'm just building up all the love and affection that is stored inside of me so that I can share it with the one I will soon grow to love! So watch out "Mr. Right".....get ready because here I come!

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."

Random Thoughts

So many things we take for granted in life. We take those that we love for granted. So many times we always assume that those close are always going to be there. For some reason today I am missing those that I love and care about. Those who were once here but have now crossed over to the other side. Today I miss my grandfather whom I was very close to. Who was one of the most positive and influential male figures in my life. I admired and adored my grandfather because he was such a hard working man and I truly looked up to him. Even though he's been gone 11yrs now....that still doesn't stop me from missing him everyday. I miss Uncle Dave who has only been gone for about 4 months now. I miss his smile, his jokes and his heart warming loving personality. He would always tell me "baby girl you can do anything you put your mind to.....you can do it." Uncle Dave those words will always stay in my mind. He would say I'm proud of the beautiful woman that you have grown up to be. That will always and forever put a smile on my face.

People are brought in and out of our lives for a reason and sometimes only for a season. No matter how positive or negative the individual may have been in your life....they still had an impact on it. Life is full of so many big surprises and a lot of them beyond our own control. Sometimes I question myself about certain things I have done or may be doing in the present. Yet I know that everything I've gone through, am going through and will go through....will continue to shape and mold me into the woman that I am and will continue to become.

Life is full of many different obstacles and challenges that sometimes await us at our doorstep when we leave our home everyday. I find myself thankful for the good times and the bad times because in the end I see that I am still here……and I am here for a reason. I have a purpose…we all do! As long as I have breath in my body I will continue to be a positive role model in someone’s life. I will be all that I can be! I will continue to help those in need any way I can. I will continue to be a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, a lover, a best friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, an encourager, a strengthener, a motivator, a mentor and someone that will always be there whenever you need me.

Writers Block

I have writers block!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll try again tomorrow.

Happiness

Today is just another day with many thoughts running through my mind. Today I am happy! My definition of happiness is knowing that those who are part of my inner circle are happy and okay. Happiness has many different definitions. Happiness is love.....knowing that someone loves me back just as much as I love them. Happiness is the mere thought of a person that puts a smile on your face. Happiness is a feeling of catching a great pair of shoes on clearance. Happiness doesn't just have one definition to me. Depending on who you are...happiness may not even exist in your life. I am thankful and grateful today that happiness truly does exist in my life. Happiness is watching the blossoming relationship that my parents have. Throughout the years of my life I have watched them grow in many different ways but most of all I have watched them grow together as one. I too want the happiness that they share together as a married couple. I know that life has many ups and downs but that’s what shapes and molds us into the individuals we are today. True happiness comes with personal growth and love for yourself. So every day that I am blessed to see another day is a day full of happiness for me. Knowing that I can share my love and happiness with those closest to me...is all the happiness I need.

Acceptance

"When you're a beautiful person on the inside, there is nothing in the world that can change that about you. Jealousy is the result of one's lack of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-acceptance. The Lesson: If you can't accept yourself, then certainly no one else will.”

Why is it that so many people are constantly seeking acceptance? Is it because we as people are so worried about how people perceive us that we are constantly striving to please others to the point of self destruction? The end result is you being unhappy and not able to accept your own faults.

Each day I look at myself and know that I am a work in progress. I once in the past "used" to be concerned about how people perceived me and thought that acceptance from others was so important. After going through many different trials and tribulations in my own life I came to the conclusion that I first had to accept myself for who I am.

Today I had a conversation with a close friend of mine and in a sense it saddened me. Here you think you know a person and you don't. As a friend I expressed my concern to her as to some of the actions she's displayed in regards to men. She has had unhealthy dating experiences and it's reached a point of concern. We are living in a world today full of disease and destruction. She doesn't feel that she'll ever meet the right guy or that the thought of that is delusional. Sometimes you have to speak life into words. If you continue to speak negativity then that’s all that is going to come your way. Her reason for going from man to man is the fact that she doesn't want to be alone. She assumed that because I am single and haven't been involved with anyone for a great period of time....that I am okay with being alone.

I'm lonely a lot at times but I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to settle myself for less or lower my standards for any man.......just to feel acceptance. I am a beautiful woman who deserves the best. I am a very giving and loving person and I do believe that Mr. Right does exist somewhere out there for me. God is putting his finishing touches on me......and I know he's polishing up my mate for me. We can't live life striving for acceptance. We must keep in mind that God is #1. As long as we trust and believe in him we can truly have what we say.

Mark 11:23 says: "For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith."