I am absolutely tired today. I am beyond burnt out. So I am going to try this blog thing tomorrow or maybe even later this evening. So until then......to be continued

Hmmmmm.......

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll back and realize they were big things"

Something as little as a smile and a hello to a stranger can make a difference in someones life. I always try to smile and say hello to people when I walk past them because you never know how much of a positive impact that may have on someones day. You can know a person and they may seem like the happiest person in the world to you....yet in their world they are ready to give up. It goes back to....never judge a book by it's cover. I have an aquaintance who has made some alterations to her physical appearance and she looks absolutely great after losing over a hundred pounds. Yet when I look at her eyes there's so much sadness behind them. Although she's a beautiful person inside and out she has low self esteem and even though she's worked hard at losing the weight...she is still unhappy. Unhappy because her marriage is over, unhappy because of she still feels as if she'd unpretty on the outside. It saddens me because I just wish that she could see herself the same way that I see her. Many times we become so obsessed with the way society thinks we should look that we too get wrapped up in trying to fit in...even as adults. Everything that glimmers doesn't shine. So I leave you with this: If someone says hello....say hello back. If some smiles at you....smile back. You never know what difference you will have made in someone's life.

Selfishness

What causes one to be selfish? It's called greed. The motto of a selfish person is "what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine". A classic example of a selfish person is road rage. A selfish person wants the whole road to themselves and is not willing to share. They feel that the world owes them something and they also tend to be very arrogant. I get so tired of having to deal with selfish people. Including my own family. My frustration comes from anger and hurt. God knows I love my family but sometimes your family will hurt you worse than a mere stranger. People who are selfish only think about themselves and their own feelings. I am upset today at one of my siblings. For over a month now we have been planning to take my mother to dinner today to celebrate her birthday before she goes out of town tomorrow for three weeks. My brothers were coming up from Ohio and we were going to take mom out to dinner and have some family time. Then in the morning we were all going to take her to the airport together. So then I get a text message from my oldest brother saying that our brother wasn't coming because he didn't feel like traveling. Making a 2.5 hour drive isn't traveling especially when it comes to seeing your mother. The women who gave you the breath of life....the women that if it weren't for her you wouldn't even exist. Myself and that brother are like oil and water. We just don't mix! Granted he's a very over protective brother because I am his only sister....yet we don't get along too often. Simply because he is the most selfish person that I know. Everything is always about him...he has an excuse for everything. I find it so hard to believe that we were raised with the same morals and values because we are completely opposite. I'm the youngest and I feel like the weight of the world is always on my shoulder sometimes and I can only do so much by myself. I always feel like I'm the glue that holds everything and everyone together. At this point I am done! I have let my emotions and frustrations get the best of me today. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bust Your Windows.....LOL

I was in the car this afternoon and that new Jazmin Sullivan song "bust your windows" came on the radio. I had heard it once before but I didn't really listen to the lyrics. So today when it came on the radio I turned up the volume and listened to the lyrics. This is a song that’s full of hurt and pain. The woman in the song is hurt because she saw her man lying next to another woman. So in return she busted the windows out of his car. She wanted him to feel the pain she felt in return. A lot of women tend to react in this same exact way when they find out their man has cheated on them. I've been hurt and cheated on......and at the time many devious thoughts ran across my mind as to how I could make this man hurt the way he hurt me. But I snapped back to reality and realized that "KARMA" is a bitch. What goes around truly does come back around. As I look back on my past relationships in which I've been hurt...I didn't have to do a thing to get revenge. No good comes from negativity. You shouldn't play with people's feelings and never tell someone that you love them if you don't really mean it. Material things can always be replaced so ladies don't go out slashing your man's tires or busting the windows out of his car. It's not worth it!!!! Just know that time heals all wounds and in the end you will become a stronger and better person. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Disturbia

Yesterday I was working at my second job (the day shelter) and I was completely and utterly disturbed. I deal with people from all walks of life. Convicted felons, the homeless, teenage parents, drug addicts and so forth. Me myself not having children of my own yet....I have an undying affection for children. Yesterday while working, I became disturbed with a young lady that I know very well that is a regular at the shelter. Being only 24 she has had 2 children and now pregnant with baby # 3. The first child was removed from her care and adopted out because she was labeled an unfit parent, the second child she let the father have because she knew that she couldn't deal with the baby and she wasn't ready to be a parent. I was upset with her when she said that she was pregnant again. I asked her what she was going to do and why wasn't she on birth control. Her response is what disturbed and frustrated me. #1 She says that she got pregnant because it was something to do 2# She wasn't on birth control because it doesn't work and she didn't feel like being on it. Okay now I'm sure if you are reading this your face is as twisted up as the look I gave her. I told her that she must be joking......and she said no I'm totally serious....and I knew she was. Then she asked me if I wanted to adopt her baby after she has it. OMG are you serious!!!!! Was my response. Did I mention that she was heading outside to smoke a cigarette? Is she crazy or just plain stupid? I become so distraught, disturbed and frustrated with her. #1 Because I absolutely love and adore children and secondly because she is carrying a child that she clearly doesn’t want and was not asked to be born. I am tired of women especially black women who are having babies and rely on someone else to take care of them. I am mainly referring to the repeat offenders. Those who keep having these babies out of spite thinking that they are going to keep a man by getting pregnant. Along with the ones who are too lazy to get up and get a job or go to school……..so they keep having babies because that equals more "assistance" from the state government for them. So I am paying taxes to support their lazy asses!!!! WTF!? I am just beyond pissed. This has become an ongoing cycle and it appears to be a new trend for "some" black women and women period. It really makes the rest of us good, hardworking, independent, strong black women....look bad. It's the children that I feel sorry for. If I could take all of the children and save them I would. A lot of it has to do with a person’s upbringing. If you were raised in a dysfunctional and unstable environment....it increases the chance of you too being the same way. I always try to teach and motivate those same youth by telling them that they don't have to be a victim of their circumstances. That they too can break that cycle and do anything they put their mind to do. Where did we go wrong……and When is it ever going to end?

Me, Myself and I

Mary J couldn't have said it any better. Take me as I am....or have nothing at all. We all come with many different flaws....I know that I have plenty. So many times we try to make changes to our exterior to please us physically but change comes from with in. With me what you see is what you get. In order to get through you have to go through something in life. Otherwise you don't have a testimony. I've been through, I'm going through and yet there is still more to come. I have become stronger and wiser. People always try to break you down at the most weak points in your life. But in the end I still come out on top. Life is what you make it. "Work like you dont need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like you do when nobody's watching".

Reflecting

Today I am reflecting on a lot of things in my life. Do I want too much too soon? I think maybe I have high expectations of others. Atleast those whom are part of my inner circle. Sometimes I feel like I give too much of myself to people and then I feel like I don't give back enough to those in need. Whenever mishaps occur in my life I always do some self refecting..........to see what I could have done to prevent the negative outcome....even if it wasn't my fault. I'm not perfect I'm only human. We were all born to make mistakes. I know there are some changes that I need to make in my life to better me as a person. To be continued............

Love..........

"Never allow someone to be your Priority wile allowing yourself to be their Option"

So many times both men and women use each other just to get what they want or need. What ever happened to caring about peoples feelings? I'm a strong believer in not wasting my time on something that's not meant to be. There have been times in the past where I have allowed someone to be a priority in my life....yet in return I was just an option. Telling someone that you love them is just the words themselves coming out of your mouth. Love is an action word. You must display it, express it, show it and feel it from deep with in. I have been in love before and it was the best feeling in the world. It always is until someone gets hurt. Unfortunately I was the one who got hurt. I allowed the man that I once loved and was in love with....to hurt me. I say that because I was so blinded by love that I couldn't really see what was happening. He was a constant priority in my life.....yet I was constantly on the back burner in his. I constantly went out of my way to do things to show my love and affection for him. He constantly mouthed what he felt yet showed nothing in return. I haven't shut the door on falling in love again because I know it will happen again when the time is right. I'm not going to settle for "Mr. Right Now". I know that love will happen again when the time is right and when "Mr. Right" comes along......if he hasn't already :) Patience is truly a virtue.....and while I continue to be patient....I'm just building up all the love and affection that is stored inside of me so that I can share it with the one I will soon grow to love! So watch out "Mr. Right".....get ready because here I come!

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."

Random Thoughts

So many things we take for granted in life. We take those that we love for granted. So many times we always assume that those close are always going to be there. For some reason today I am missing those that I love and care about. Those who were once here but have now crossed over to the other side. Today I miss my grandfather whom I was very close to. Who was one of the most positive and influential male figures in my life. I admired and adored my grandfather because he was such a hard working man and I truly looked up to him. Even though he's been gone 11yrs now....that still doesn't stop me from missing him everyday. I miss Uncle Dave who has only been gone for about 4 months now. I miss his smile, his jokes and his heart warming loving personality. He would always tell me "baby girl you can do anything you put your mind to.....you can do it." Uncle Dave those words will always stay in my mind. He would say I'm proud of the beautiful woman that you have grown up to be. That will always and forever put a smile on my face.

People are brought in and out of our lives for a reason and sometimes only for a season. No matter how positive or negative the individual may have been in your life....they still had an impact on it. Life is full of so many big surprises and a lot of them beyond our own control. Sometimes I question myself about certain things I have done or may be doing in the present. Yet I know that everything I've gone through, am going through and will go through....will continue to shape and mold me into the woman that I am and will continue to become.

Life is full of many different obstacles and challenges that sometimes await us at our doorstep when we leave our home everyday. I find myself thankful for the good times and the bad times because in the end I see that I am still here……and I am here for a reason. I have a purpose…we all do! As long as I have breath in my body I will continue to be a positive role model in someone’s life. I will be all that I can be! I will continue to help those in need any way I can. I will continue to be a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, a lover, a best friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, an encourager, a strengthener, a motivator, a mentor and someone that will always be there whenever you need me.