Relationships & Dating: "How to Know When He's Just Not Feeling You"

Well...I was reading an online magazine article today...which I do often when I have some free time out of my day. I read it not to get the latest 411 on black celebs...but because every issue always has one of those non-fictional heart tugging stories. Anywho...let me get to my point.The article I read was titled "He's Just Not Feelin' You" from a male perspective. Well to be honest with you...some of the statements were right on point. I know this because I have experienced some if not most of the different type of men listed. A few stood out to me and so I'm in one of those...ummm hmmm I knew it kind of moods today. Now this is not a man bashing blog because I am not a man bashing woman. But I am a real woman who will speak her mind at all times, and at this point in time I am going to speak on men...black men in-particular. As a woman sometimes it is hard to know if a man is feeling you or if he's playing games. If he's really feeling you, in my opinion his actions should display that.

Brothas what is really going on?

Let's talk about "Mr.Telephone Man....Not"

The Author stated:
Not calling frequently or lessening communication after a while could be a sign that his interest is waning. But if you’re always the one initiating contact, take that as a clear sign: He’s just not feelin’ you.

My Feedback/Response:
I feel that communication is important in any relationship. Whether it's a titled or non-titled relationship. If distance lies between two people you have to tap into your resources to keep the flame still burning. When there is distance between two people you have to get creative and find ways to keep the flame alive while apart. Yet, if that flame is only burning from one end of the stick...maybe some re-evaluating needs to take place. If all I have is communication with a person then I try to take advantage of each and every opportunity regardless of how busy I may be. DAMN!!!!!

NEXT: "Mr. Forgetful One" (He doesn't keep his word or follow through)

The Author stated:
Not being able to keep one’s word leads to trust issues, and once that happens you can kiss any hopes for a harmonious relationship goodbye. Some people are naturally flighty, but that doesn’t absolve them of respecting your time. This may have more to do with character flaws than whether or not someone likes you.

My Feedback/Response:
Ok we are all guilty of forgetting things....myself included. But I must agree with the author on this one. I'm big on people keeping their word. If I say I'm going to do something...even something as little as returning a call or text....I do it. Granted it may not be done right away because we all become evolved in life as we know it. But it's all about respect. If you have respect for a person you won't allow yourself to forget things that are important to them even if it seems unimportant to you.

Now introducing "The Non-Family Guy"

The Author stated:
This one can go either way. For every guy that views women as trophies to show off to his buddies, there’s one that prefers spending quality time alone getting to know a woman he really likes. As for meeting family members, that’s a big step in any relationship, so unless you have an official title, don’t stress it. But beware the fella that appears to be purposely keeping you separated from his family and friends. That may mean he’s hiding something.

My Feedback/Response:
Myself I am very cautious about introducing a man that I am dating to my family/close friends. They are the closest connections to me and for me to do that means that I plan on having you around for a while. Now I feel that if you are in a relationship with a person you obviously are drawn to them in one way or another and that's why you have chosen to take that next step. If a man truly loves you and is in love with you...not only will his actions display that but he will not have a problem introducing you to and letting you be part of his inner circle. My ex did the complete opposite. He cancelled every time we were supposed to meet with my parents and there was always an excuse as to why I didn't meet those that were part of his "inner circle". Yet he loved me, was in love with me and wanted to marry me. SMH!!!! Get a clue. I think that meeting the family should be one of those things that is mutually agreed upon.

Moving on to "The Mystery Man"

The Author stated:
Everyone has a right to their own private life, but concealing your place of work and residence is not only odd, it’s a major red flag. Unless you’re dating a secret agent, there’s no reason for him to be so secretive about basic conversation topics. Sounds like someone has something to hide and you should go seek love elsewhere.

My Feedback/Response:
A lot of men tend to be very secretive when it comes to their personal life. But if you are dating someone and they don't want to reveal where they live or work then maybe it's time to move on because obviously they are hiding something from you. Been there and done that. I had a short dating relationship with a man in another city and what came out of his mouth sounded good, but the truth was revealed in the early stages. He told me where he worked and even where he lived. So when I went to go visit him at his home for the first time, guess who I met. His WIFE!!!!!! DAMN Liar!!! That's all I got to say about that.

Ahhhhh "The Commitment Phobe"

The Author stated:
Men have a tendency to take things slow—some slower than others—so he may just be enjoying the space you’re in and in no rush to “take it to the next level.” If you’re early in a relationship, there’s no reason for concern just because he’s not picking out baby names or getting fitted for a tux. But if you’ve put years into a man that has shown no interest in a future together then you may just be wasting time—his and especially yours.

My Feedback/Response:
Well taking a relationship to the next level is a big step for anyone. That's where you invest a lot of trust and your feelings for that individual have grown stronger. A lot of men and women are both scared of being committed. Whether it’s a fear of being hurt, holding on to the past or the mere assumption that if you commit yourself to this person they'll start talking marriage...in which you are not ready for. Ok you have some people that jump the gun like that....NOT I!!!!!! Yeah I'd like to get married...one day....but I want to make sure that it's with the right person. Marriage is sacred and forever to me. Ok I'm going out in left field a little but it doesn't take that long for you to figure out if you want to be committed to a person. If you don't see yourself with them in a committed relationship, don't waste their time or yours. People don't like to be stringed along. You should always be open and honest with your feelings with an individual. Like I said earlier...communication is important and it's one of the valuable keys to a successful relationship.

So I've given my input on the whole relationship/dating feedback in response to the article I read. When it comes to relationships/dating it's always important to be yourself, be honest and truthful. Just never waste your time on something that's not meant to be. If red flags start to pop up in your mind and you have a bad feeling about that person...maybe you need to cut your losses and just move on.

My words of advice: Never settle for less or lower your standards for anyone. Until next time....I'm out!

The Essence of Me

"The true essence of a woman is her ability to share her love with others"

I'd like to compare myself to a chameleon because I can easily adapt to any environment or situation in which I am placed. Ok so that doesn't necessarily make me different or any better than the next woman...but I know my my self worth. I am a woman with high self esteem and I am confident in all that I do. I don't need a man to be strong or justify who I am or what I am capable of. I am more driven than the average woman and the word "no" is just not acceptable in my vocabulary. Although being a double jeopardy, because of my sex and race I'm still a goal oriented woman with style and confidence. I have endured many triumphs in the past and present, yet I don't let that stop me from climbing to the top. I know where I come from and that is something I will never forget. So why is it that men always say they want a woman who can hold her own.....but choose to run after women who lack confidence, independence and self esteem. I know that I am a true D.I.V.A. (Divine, Intelligent, Versatile, Attribute). I love the poem "Phenomenal Woman" by Maya Angelou because it defines the true beauty of a woman. The true beauty of a woman is what lies beneath. A phenomenal woman is a woman who is confident and sure of herself. She is loving, caring, kind hearted and true. This poem defines who I am as a woman because I have much more to offer than what's on the exterior. There is a Phenomenal Woman that exists in each and everyone one of us. You must first look in the mirror and introduce yourself to her.


"Phenomenal Woman"
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them

They think I'm telling lies.
I say,

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing of my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,

They say they still can't see.

I say It's in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It's in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

The palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.